Many, many years ago I learned that I can only change me and my behavior. It's been a tough lesson. Learned again and again. And again.
This group of kids is getting me to thinking a lot. Sometimes with my friends. Sometimes alone. Sometimes with smiles. Sometimes with tears.
About 1.5 weeks ago I hit the tipping point.
Everything had built up. I was feeling stressed about my situation. All my triggers were triggering.
And I cried. For me. For my students. For hours. During the school day.
I was glad that I was around people who understand this job I do. That they were concerned about me. They wanted to make it better. And that they let me cry and cry.
I did not want to be alone.
Those tears released me.
I no longer cry for me and my tough situation. I cry for the kids and the tough situations they face.
No more do I think, if only... Now I wonder how I can show love and kindness today.
Tonight I wondered, have I become insensitive? Callous? No longer crying?
Something truly happened that day. I feel stronger. Able to face storms with calm and more love and compassion.
So, I change me. My attitude. My expectations. My lessons.
I adapt to the situation I am in. There will be more tears, I am sure. But for now, I am just so happy to be working in my frontal lobe and not my brain stem or limbic system.
