I had a dream last night.
A school dream.
Not a BTS dream, rather we were into the school year I just had not got my act together regarding management and regulation.
The gist: there was a conflict in the classroom and instead of offering skills to the students, I was irritated that they "were not listening, being respectful, yada, yada, yada." I then found myself unregulated and things spiraled down.
The scene playing out in my dream was similar to situations from the past two years.
I'm not surprised I had this dream, because I've started rereading Creating the School Family by Dr. Becky Bailey. It's been 6 years since I read it and I've been surprised how much self-regulation talk is in the beginning chapter. The other time I read it I was focused on routines and rituals that I wanted to start in my classroom, and this time I find myself taking copious notes on the why I am doing it.
In real life I fail a lot in managing the emotional mayhem that happens in my classroom. However, at the end of this year I was not just failing, I was failing forward. I mean: I was messing up, and felt safe enough to talk about the situation with my principal (which was scary--are teachers allowed to talk about how they screwed up and still keep their job?). Mostly she listened, and while I babbled on, cried, and blew my nose, I came to see where I veered off-course. I came up with my own plan while she smiled at me, hugged me and let me know that she still valued me as a person and as a teacher.
Baseball.
I love summertime when I can watch all the Royals baseball I can handle, any time of the day.
The other night while I was watching, one of my favorite players made a mistake on the field. For all the people to see. It was a mistake that MLB players should not make. It cost an out or a run or both (I can't remember all the details).
This is what fascinated me: the commentator talked about the mistake, what was wrong, what he should have done. And then in a nice voice he said, he will learn from that mistake. He will go into the dugout, talk to a coach and not make that mistake again.
I felt so happy for that ball player, because he was given the time and chance to do it right. Sure, we were all sad it happened, but he gets a do-over. How wonderful for him.
Teaching.
I am lucky to work in a school system that values our teachers, provides us with training and support to become better. Allows for do-overs. But here's the thing--
I have to be open to listening, to reflect, to want to change and be committed to doing what is right for my students no matter how hard it is or how many times I have to do it.
Yes, I will probably get down on myself for mistakes I will make in the next year, but I will then pick myself up and read the poster I found yesterday...
